"The Tremendous" Emil Sitoci
Emil's online journal
05/06/07
After being absent from cyberspace for a few weeks I feel the need to speak out to you all, my loyal Sitocïsts. It was very frustrating and unfortunate that my website was down and out all of a sudden, but things seem to be back on track. In fact, they are actually looking up: WAY up! I have requested a full makeover for this little chunk of hyperreality, so that my fame can be spread across the world in a more fashionable way. So keep checking back, because this summer I will rock the world!! There will be new logo's, hot new marchandise and much more!Now I haven't been accepting too many bookings lately, because I just needed to catch a break. College is murder right now, and I haven't exactly been thrilled with my personal life either due to a variety of reasons. But fear not, this train will be back on track within a month or so. I'm actually planning on booking a flight to Hawaï to relax and do some surfing. Also, I have been negotiating with UIW for a tour of Italy around september. If we manage to finalize a deal sitoci.com wil surely report on it.
What else is new? Ahh yes, On the 24th I will reprise my role as surpreme asskicker on BNN's "Rat Van Fortuin". I'm very much looking forward to it. As of right now it's unclear which episode I will be seen in, but it will definately rock! Speaking of rocking, none other than your's truly will be live in attendance when Aerosmith rock Cologne Germany to it's very foundations!! Koelnarena, june 28th! Emil Sitoci is there!!
That is all for today. Enjoy the weekend everybody!
Emil Sitoci
23/04/07:
So much to say, so little time. I'm gonna cut straight to the case: I'm BAAAACK!! Back in the saddle again! Yes it's true boys and girls, spread the word, and go out to celebrate like Tommy End announced his retirement. After being forced out of action for a good month, including a botched early comeback, all systems are running full force again!First of all, I had the pleasure of wrestling Marc Roudin at ESW in Germany of April 13th. The crowd really took a liking to me, which I admit was kinda nice after nearly causing riots in the rest of Germany, Austria, The Netherlands, the UK and Ireland. I must admit I didn't think it'd be possible for human being to overcome the overdose of jealousy that I bestow upon the world.. but they did. Now I have come up with a new theory:
Eight Steps of Coping with Emil Sitoci for Men:
-Jealousy
-Anger
-Blind Rage <--- (Most wXw Fans)
-Nausea
-Sadness (Crying)
-Acceptance
-Celebration <---(The ESW Crowd)
-A change of Sexual Orientation (extreme cases) <---(Gary Miller)
Trust me people, you'll have to get past the first 5, and you'll live a happy life as one of my followers. I can be quite a positive influence as a rolemodel you know? So let's all work on that. Start by downloading one of my wallpapers!
Anyways, I beat Marc with the Snapmare driver, just like I promised. The next day I wrestled his buddy Ares. As I'm writing this, I'm still picking pieces of his ass out of my boots. And yes, the ESW crowd treated me like the ringmaster that I am. I love you all!! East Germany rocks since they took down that big wall!
The next week I had the pleasure of wrestling El Generico. The only thing unfortunate about it was that it was a wXw event. wXw = wXw Fans = Smelly mess. The next time I walk out there I'll get myself some sparkling pink NOSECLIPPERS. Before I get too deep into this rant, I'll tell you how the match went: I was awesome, and I beat him. And for all of those in attendance: You may think you saw a Brainbuster on the turnbuckle at the end of the event, but you didn't... You were simply drunk.
Next up is 16 Karat Gold. I'm wrestling Bones in the first round on May 4th, and rest asured I will make it to the second round. The third even!! Hell, I am going to WIN the whole tournament, because that's what I do! I'm a winner! So stick your sweaty little paws in your pocket, fish out some money and get your tickets while they're still available! Check www.wxw-wrestling.com for more info.
There you have it! I have more important things to do so... Bye!
Your Hero,
Emil Sitoci
16/07/06:
It's been a while, but no worries my worshippers, my star will not fade out yet. As a matter of fact, I don't think it ever will. Ha!As you probably all know by now, yours truly secured another Championship. I now hold the wXw Cruiserweight Title, the FCW Heavyweight Title, and the GSW Tag-Team Titles (w/ Stevie Douglas of course). Soon I will have conquered all of Europe. I'm like the Napoleon of wrestling, exept I'm much better looking, and of course there will be no Waterloo for me!
Now let's talk about the near future. wXw "True Colors" on 22nd and 23rd of July (aka next weekend) at the Musik Palette in Essen. I'm teaming with two bald-headed wrestling machines named Ares and "Bad Bones" in the 6-man Tag Tourney. Does anybody actually think we won't win?? It's the big bad bastard Bad Bones, The wXw Heavyweight Champ Ares, and of course The Tremendous One. In case you haven't noticed, I have not been defeated in 14 months!! and my streak will not be broken! Not by Baron von Hagen, not by Tracy Smothers, not by Doug Williams, and defintely not by any Suguira or Kanemaru! Speaking of which, I feel bad for Kanemaru. He comes all the way from Japan hoping to secure a Championship, and he'll go back empty handed after I defeat him on sunday. I'm sure he'll find fortune and glory somewhere, because he's a great athlete, but he's not going to break the iron grip that I have on my wXw Title.
Now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about.... ahhh yes, I nearly forgot. It seems like we have new World Soccer Champions and guess what?? It's not Germany! Now don't take this the wrong way, I enjoy watching Germany play, but they got what they deserved for pulling the plug on Oliver Kahn. Kahn is such a badass machine, he could've taken Germany to the top of the world. After a series of tiresome matches, the biggest display of fireworks was when Oliver Kahn once again became team captain, and destroyed Portugal 3-1 to secure the 3rd place. Now he retired... At least he got a great goodbye match.
Allright then. I've got many more things to attend to. For starters some kid is running around my house making weird noises for the past 10 minutes now. Time to throw a bucket of water at him. Hopefully he'll shut up.
Enjoy the summer,
Emil
18/06/06: Killing Tommy, Tengkwa, and a plastic blue ball
Aahh there's nothing like waking up with lipstick on your cheek, glitters on your chest and a big fat wXw Title belt next to you on your pillow. That's right, Emil Sitoci once again beat the odds.Yesterday morning I found out Chad Collyer wasn't going to be in the wXw FAN 2006 Round Robin Challenge with me and Tenkwa. He was hospitalised in the UK after collapsing from what appears to be food poisoning. Even though it made my night a whole lot easier I'm disappointed that I didn't get the chance to wrestle him. I wish him a speedy recovery, and I hope he'll make it to next months event.
Now on to the next incident: the blue ball. Before the event started the ever jolly wXw hooligans were entertaining each other by punching a blue plastic ball around the ring. I came down the stairs, hopped in the ring, and proceeded to stab the ball to death with a knife, before going up the stairs again to loud "Fuck you Sitoci!!" chants. One might wonder why I would do such a thing. It's simple: by disrespecting me you become my enemy, and if you're my enemy I stab you in the ball. Besides, it was just plain funny too! Hehehehe. But I'll make it up to you: if Germany actually wins the soccer World Cup without resorting to Oliver Kahn, I'll get you guys a new ball.
Next up: match #1 I came out to my new song, which was mixed by none other than moderately well-known Dutch DJ Willem Folmer. My opponent to replace Chad Collyer was Tommy End. I got in the ring with a laid-back approach, but that all changed after the first 2 or 3 kicks to my chest, not to mention him pulling my pants down in mid match. Tommy showed a lot of fire. However, whatever respect I gained for him exploded in the air when he dicided to continue fighting after getting hit with a Snapmare Driver. How can one be so dumb!?! I flipped and started beating him up. As the brawl spilled to the outside the ref started a 10-count. Just before I could make it back in, he stopped the match and called it a draw!! This put the score for Tommy, Tengkwa and me at 1-0-1.
Tommy and Tengkwa had their match and Tengkwa won with gay-pinfall #7, which put the score at 1-3-1. Knowing that Tengkwa would win my Title if our match went to a draw or no-contest, I immediately made my way to the ring to settle the score. The fans were rallying behind Tengkwa to take my title, but things didn't quite turn out that way. I crushed Tengwa like a bug. I knew his right elbow was hurt badly, so naturally I that's what I targeted. He tapped out to the Fujiwara armbar. The final score was 1-3-4, which means the Title reign continues for the Tremendous One! The Champ is still here and he isn't going anywhere!
I would like to apologise to all the fans who bought a for FAN 2006 ticket hoping to see Vries Kastelein. You're not disabled, you're just "special".
New dates are announced. I'm doing a bodypainting gig for Yes magazine's 20 year anniversary event, and I will also be making my way to the Imagination69 erotic lifestyle fair in July. Be sure to check me out!Emil Sitoci
Ps. Even though I'm everything he claims to hate, Adam Polak is my homeboy.
01/06/06: I'm awesome
It's true folks I really am awesome!! No particular reason, I just am.
So, I suppose by now we've all heard what happened this past saturday at wXw's Dead End 7? Correctemundo! I beat Steve Allison for the second time in a row. I told him it was a bad idea to challenge me, didn't I? To his credit though, he came much closer than he did the last time. Even though I pretty much broke his back he almost managed to get a quick pin on me twice, and that Ace crusher DID rock me good! However, the're no escaping my Nirvana Strangler! So Nice try, but back of the line Mr. Hellvetic !!
I've taken a short break from wrestling to recuperate from a recurring case of getting my bell rung every other match. Of course we all know that any impact inflicted on this superb force of nature is temporary damage at best, so I'll be back in the ring at the next wXw event on June 17th. It's called "Fans Appreciation Night 2006". Let's hope this means the fans will appreciate me again... but it probably doesn't: Judging by the predicament I find myself in, a better title for the show would be "Fans Asskissing Fiesta"! I'm supposed to wrestle Chad Collyer and Tengkwa at the same night! Better yet, if I want to walk out Champion I have to beat them both! You all just WANT to see me lose don't you ?!?! Why can't the fans just worship me like the good old days when my greatness had not yet turned their admiration into envy? Anyways, the fans make wXw go round, so here's a few scenarios for wXw "Fans Appreciation Night 2006".
Scenario 1: Chad will defeat Tengkwa in 2 minutes or less. Then Chad and I will destroy each other, and I damn near kill myself getting the win over Chad. Then right after my victory I'll get to fight a bunnyfresh Tengkwa, who I will slap around even though I'm in a severely weakened state, untill referee Gary Miller messes everyhing up and costs me the match and my title
This would surely make the fanns happy, wouldn't it??
Scenario 2: Tenkwa actually learned(!!) from his last match with Collyer, and manages to pin him with the rollup of death. This infuriates Chad, who attacks me full force. For the rest of the match he will beat on me untill the 60-minute timelimit is up. (He can't get the pin or submission, because that's just now how my matches work). Then as I try to put my legs back on the rest of my body, Tengkwa comes out, again, bunnyfresh. Even though I have no more legs I still beat him up pretty good untill referee gary Miller screws it all up and costs me the match and my title.
This would make the fans even happier!!Scenario 3: I remind Tengkwa was I was his mentor when i spike him on his head after a match which will last a total of 16 seconds. Then me and Collyer clash in the ring. Even though it's far from easy I actually manage to put Chad down,... untill referee Gary Miller screws everything up early and costs me the match!! Then fans go home early, pissing themselves with joy, exept for about 20 girls who try to raid my bag while I tear down the walls of the venue. Tengkwa versus Collyer takes place in an empty hall.
These all sound great, don't they fans?? Well, you know what? Even though he odds are stacked against me, I am still "The Tremendous" Emil Sitoci, and I REFUSE to let you all suck happyness out of my downfall.
There is one final scenario and it goes a little something like this:
Now unfortunately I don't have any pictures like that involving me and Collyer yet, but don't worry, we'll all have plenty after 17/06/06 !!
Emil Sitoci
Ps. I know it must be painfull to be confronted with somebody who's
better than you will ever be in every way, but there's no need to
hate me for it! Instead try to improve yourself, and be proud of the
progress you make. Let's just all be friends again, ok? Next time I
come out it wanna hear some cheers again (and not just high-pitched
ones).
17/05/06: Happy Birthday to me!
That's right, it's my birthday! 21 glorious years! I can't get kicked out of any country in the WORLD now for holding somebody else's beer. Sweet!
Allright then, now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about my next wXw Title defence. Steve Allison versus "The Tremendous One" Emil Sitoci. Steven, kudos to you for winning a big match against Steve Douglas and Bad Bones, great job bro. Not only did you put yourself on the map in European wrestling, but you won yourself a match of your choosing as well. Great. But why O why are you coming after me?? What did I ever do to you?? The last time when we wrestled I defeated you, we shook hands and after the match I even gave you some tips on how to improve... We shared some mutual respect... But that doesn't mean you can just go and challenge me for my Title a second time!!! And don't give me any of that "this is just business/It's nothing personal/ I just want to be Champion" nonsense. You backstabber! Real nice of you to clear things up with me first!
I know your "Mr. Popular" right now at wXw and I'm not anymore (because they are all just jealous of me), but that doesn't mean you should treat me like an enemy! I tried to help you bro! I wasn't out to destroy you. But if this is the way it's gotta be, I'll play ball! You see Steven, when the forces of nature produced what is now known as Emil Sitoci, it wasn't meant to blend in with the mass and be average. Emil Sitoci isn't like you, Tenkwa or anybody else, no no! Emil is much more than that, it's special! It was created to rule and it will never die. Call me the orgasm of human evolution. On May 27th, Steve Allison, you will fall. You will suffer a miserable defeat at the hands of The Tremendous One, and with that your name will be underlined on the endless list of idiots who thought they could defeat the son of the Gods, Emil Sitoci.
18/05/06: For the ladies.
A dialogie similar to this one takes place ever day of my life:
...
Sitoci: ... and that's how I saved the world for the 3rd time.
Girl: Emil baby, can I ask you something?
Sitoci: Sure, but I'm warning you, you can't touch my abs anymore unless you pay up.
Girl: Is $80,- enough? I mean... actually I was wondering: Do you have a girlfriend?
Sitoci: Not that I know of
Girl: Why not?!?
Sitoci: Well, for starters, I'm very picky about girls and I barely ever fall in love. I just feel like I have't met the right one yet.
Girl: Ow yeah, I'm like that too. I want it to be really special.
Sitoci: Great, good luck with that.
Girl: You know, you're really cute.
Sitoci: Why thank you, you're not so bad yourself
SCENE MISSING
Girl: AMAZING!! (breathes heavily) Ahh ahhhh.. That was.. ahh!! So goooooodd!!
Sitoci: ... yeah that was pretty awesome, well I gotta...
Girl: You're breaking up with me??
Sitoci: Well, .. ehhm..., I guess.. I mean, was there something to be broken up?
SCENE MISSING
END
Allright, so this scenario may be exagerrated a little tiny bit, but the truth is not far from it. So once and for all NO, I don't have a girlfriend. It's not going to be easy, but if you want a shot at it here's something to help you on your way:
Ladies, the 10 do's and don'ts if you want to hook up with Emil Sitoci:
DO's: (in random order)
1. Like to play sports/exercize
2. Have a goal in life other than looking hot
3. Look hot
4. Have a sense of humor
5. Have a boyfriend I don't like
6. Show signs of intelligence
7. Be crazy in a good way
8. Be a goalgetter
9. Be a touch cookie
10.Like to cuddle
DON'Ts: (in random order)
1. Smoke
2. Wear too much make up
3. Date a friend of mine
4. Have a hoarse voice 24/7
5. Live on a diet of bottled water and crackers
6. Think you can't achieve anything
7. Lie (unless it's because you want to surprise me or something)
8. Have children from somebody else
9. Be careless towards everything that doesn't go the way you want it to go.
10.Like Vries Kastelein
I'd say worry more about the don'ts than the do's. The don't annoy me. The do's are plusses on top of me liking you as a person.
xxx
Emil Sitoci